Make America White Again

  • By aga
  • 03 Jan, 2017

This country has been getting darker and darker and as a result, things have been getting worse.

Before you get all excited and start waving your swastikas or get offended and start composing some long-winded SA, let me just settle you all down. This article is not about race, it's actually about the planet.

At the top and bottom of our planet as well as lots of areas between, there is this white stuff called ice and snow). due to what I think are natural cycles this ice and snow melts during the summer and freezes during the colder months (not exactly groundbreaking information), however, what some people may not realize is that this white stuff serves a purpose other than a place for polar bears to slaughter seals when not posing for climate change journalists. This cold white stuff also reflects the suns rays keeping the planet cooler and more hospitable for human life.

This planet is as much a living thing as everything that is living on it, all living things go through cycles, inevitably this planet will get rid of us and replace us will something stronger, more versatile and better than us, just like it has done with everything before us. While human life may have a natural expiration date on this planet, There is a way to prolong our time here, to at least give us a chance to go argue on some other planet.

There is a lot of people that think prolonging our extinction involves changing our lifestyle, reverting back to the stone age, getting rid of vast amounts of the population or my personal favorite, taxing people more. while these may have some small effect (except the more taxes, that for sure will save us all) at the end of the day we are still going to be dead. It's like them people that hit 30 and start eating healthy, exercising, eating every supplement known to man, drinking babies blood (or is that just me?) and flushing out their anus. these things will add a couple of years to your life providing you don't get hit by a truck, but you're still going to die, meanwhile the dude that has been smoking 20 a day for 60 years and washing his raw red meat down with cheap beer is blowing the candles out at his 100th birthday.

Instead of changing how about we just trick the planet into keeping us around longer? The white stuff is melting and because it's melting it is reflecting less of the suns rays away every year which means every year it will get hotter and every year there will be less white stuff. The solution, make more stuff white. The suns rays are not being reflected because it is hitting snow or ice, it is melting because it is hitting white stuff. Humans take up a lot of real estate on this planet, all we have to do is paint anything that faces the sky white (cars, roofs, roads, pavements and anything else that the sun hits) instead of the default dark colors that will only add to the earth heating, not only will this counter the effects of the melting white stuff it may also reverse it. Your don't need to be a fancy climate change scientist to realize that on a hot day you are about 10 degrees hotter beside a black tarmac road than you would be in a green field.

If you think this is nonsense, consider this. when all aircraft over the US was grounded after the events of Sep 11th 2001, the average temperature of the US raised 1.8 Degree Celsius. This was a result of the sudden disappearance of condensation trails (aka contrails). Now if dissipating contrails can decrease the temperature by 1.8 Degrees, then how much do you think that millions of permanent heat reflecting structures will reduce the temperature by?

So get your paintbrush out and start whitewashing America, while you're at it, plant some freaken flowers! you can keep banging on about the bees dying if you have replaced the food they eat with some ornamental vase with artsy sticks poking out of it.
Share by: